Clipped Feathers
by Gothica13
Summary: "Flashbacks can worsen over time if you don't address them." Beast Boy said. Raven didn't want to admit her PTSD was the getting the better of her. They had come so far these last eight years, however, on the eve of their engagement, it had happened again and she could see Malchior. Rated M for PTSD reactions, strong language, strong sexual content, lemons, and violence. [COMPLETE]
1. The Memories

"Flashbacks can worsen over time if you don't address them." He said. She didn't want to admit her PTSD was getting the better of her. That would be admitting weakness. They had come so far these part eight years and on the eve of their engagement, it had happened again.

Rated M for PTSD reactions, strong language and content, sex, and violence.

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or a therapist or claim to know how to properly treat PTSD (Post-traumatic stress disorder)

* * *

She undid her cape and allowed it to fall where she stood. She peeled off her leotard as she made eye contact to her naked green beast who was seated across the room, his eyes intensely watching her undress. The rain was picking up outside as the candles burned in the dark purple room, the light bouncing off the tall grey creature with the athletic body.

She watched her companion sip his wine and look at her as if she were a piece of meat, but she in turn was doing the same thing. The biceps on his arms, his tousled forest green hair, his erecting emerald nipples resting on his not-so-impressive abs for a superhero—but they were _her_ abs.

After she kicked off her shoes, she slowly walked towards the bed, her pale grey breast dancing with each step. She crawled onto the sheets, looking at her lover as if he were prey for her to attack. He in turn was about to take another sip of his wine before she took it away with her black aura and pressed the glass against her lips, sipping the last contents and throwing it across the room, hearing it shattered, but not caring.

He wasn't mad, as she didn't want him to get _too_ drunk, but pretended to be so by clasping her breasts for revenge and pushing his tongue down her throat. She wrapped her hands around his neck, as he broke apart for moment to stare into her violet eyes. He kissed her cheeks, her neck, making his way down to her breast, her stomach, before she fell on her back from his sensational touch.

He stroke her asymmetric, lavender hair as he breathed in the shampoo she used and kissed her red chakra on her forehead, as she sucked on his long neck, ignoring the green hairs she was getting in her mouth. He may look smooth to others, but up close he had hair almost everywhere on his body, as the green hairs blended well with his green skin. He grabbed her left hand and saw the small silver ring and kissed it gently.

She had _finally_ said yes.

After eight years of dating and with her accepting the ring only 16 hours earlier, he felt like it was their first time all over again, only with the benefit of him knowing what to do and her knowing how to control her powers.

He trace his finger on her body as she touched herself, trying to be as wet as possible. He watched her, before kissing her cheek, seeing her concentrate where her hotspots were. As she continued, he sat on her legs so she wouldn't close it when the sensations became too intense, a reflex she didn't mean to do. Seeing as she was almost to the promise land, he rubbed his own parts to prepare as well. She stopped just when she felt she was open enough and gently touch his dick to confirm that she was ready as they both sat up.

He slowly entered her, with her legs spread wide and his around her hips.

He moved carefully at first, while he kissed her shoulder. She looked up near the window, seeing her raven statue from the corner of her eye, before she closed them shut. Her vagina was nice and wide, with no discomfort in site, only pleasure. She started moaning as she continued to move in sync with her green lover, trying to think only of him in the moment so her emotions could focus on one thing and one thing only.

He breathed heavily, grabbing onto her shoulders so he could thrust up and down, tilting his head back as the pleasure grew.

It started to rain harder and before long, small burst of lightening would light up the room.

She opened her eyes, as they both started to go faster, looking at her raven statue again. The lightening lit the room and for the small moment she saw the figure of a tall man, draped in armor, with intense blue eyes and long white hair. His mouth was covered with a cloth, causing him to appear more intimidating. And he stood there, five feet away them her, his eyes smiling at her, before his image vanished with the lightening, going back to the raven statue.

" _Malchior!_ " She cried, with her black aura covering the room.

 _Whiz!_

 _Bang!_

 _Thud!_

Books flew off the shelf and were thrown at the statue as the curtains ripped apart.

The dim lights on the ceiling flickered on and off before they burst open with the glass shards falling to the floor, thankfully away from the bed. The bed sheets were hoisted up in the air with the black energy, surrounding the two in a protected cocoon as Raven held Garfield tightly.

He slipped out of her and rocked her gently, not even looking back because he knew Malchior wasn't there. She tried to hold back her tears, even though her powers were already out of control.

"You're safe, Rae, you're safe. He's not there. You're safe." He said, his heart began to beat faster. Some days were completely normal and then there were these days which Garfield dreaded the most.

"I-I'm sorry…I-I-I didn't….I did-didn't mean to-to…" She whimpered, the words caught in her mouth. She took a deep breath in and slowly let it out. "Ruin…our night." She mustered.

"I should've known better!" He said, getting angry at himself. "It was raining and with the rain comes lightening. There was lightening that night. I feel stupid!"

"N-no…don't-don't…"

He calmed down, her words hitting him. "There's no shame, Rae."

"Yes-yes, there is." She said in her monotone, trying to harbor her emotions back completely. "When it's-it's been more th-than a year after that night, I-I should have a clearer head by now."

"Don't say that," He whispered calmly, although his heart was breaking. "I still have moments myself where I flashback to that night. But it's just our PTSD, remember—it's normal. I know you've read the books I gave you. Remember what it says, it's perfectly normal to have flashbacks." It was the only time Garfield recommended any literature to Raven, instead of vice versa.

"H-how come it affects me-me more than you?"

He sat back and looked into her sad violet eyes. "Because." He said and without any more explanation, she understood his meaning.

She gently ran her fingers across his abs, concentrating on controlling her emotions. She was like that for five minutes, with neither of them talking. Everything that was floating in the air dropped to the floor and the black aura was gone, at least for the time being.

"We could just cuddle." He suggested.

"No…no. I don't want to keep doing this every time. _He's_ not going to ruin our night…again. Lie back." She said, determined to finish what they started.

"Rae…" He pleaded.

"Lie back!" She snapped, causing the curtains to rip apart. Seeing this, she laid her head on her knees, frustrated. "I'm sorry. _Please, please,_ can't we just continue…everything was going just fine, why ruin a perfectly good night. I just want…" Her words trailed off.

Garfield grabbed her hand and kissed it before lying down on his back. Raven looked up and smiled. Her fingers tracing around his thighs before lowering down to his nether regions.

She rubbed Garfield's member as fast as she could until it was nice and hard, trying to forget what happened a few moments ago. His wasn't that wide around, but it was long, forgiving its skinniness when it was inside of her. She then got up and positioned herself on top of him, guiding her pussy into his cock. She pinned his hands down, so she could feel like she was in complete control, something she needed to feel at the moment, but he didn't mind at all.

She continued where they left off. She moved up and down, focusing her eyes on him as he began to feel that familiar sensation. One, two, three, four….eleven, twelve, thirteen, the thrusts became faster and were given more force.

" _Az-a-rath, Me-trion, Zin-thos…_ " She chanted, her words sounding interrupted each time she thrusted.

"C-come on, _ma-ma_!" He teased, encouraging her.

Raven stared into her green counterparts' eyes, knowing that it was safer in case the lightening lit the room again. Garfield's body was safe from a Malchior flashback.

" _Az-a-rath, Me-trion, Zin-thos._ _Az-a-rath, Me-trion, Zin-thos…_ "

She let go of his hands and placed hers on the bed's headboard for support while she sped up her movements, as they were building up to their breaking point. The tingling of her clitoris felt good up against his throbbing cock, but she had to try and keep a level head, so as not to tear the room apart…completely. Their breathing began to pick up.

He placed his hands on her hips to help guide her coming down, in case she accidently slipped out by going too fast. The sound of their two wet skins slamming into each other became a sort of mantra for Raven. She closed her eyes as she listened to the joyful sound of their love, coming together after a long and hard week. The thoughts of Malchior vanished.

Years ago, both of them were afraid of taking their relationship to the next level. Neither cared about getting married _first_ , since Raven was a half-Demon and would think her existence in the first place was a sin itself, so why worry about _living_ in sin? Meanwhile, Garfield had watched animals do it out in the open air and saw that if they didn't need a piece of paper, why should he? He was just as much an animal as he was a man.

Marriage was definitely scarier because it was like a public announcement to the world, whom would judge them and all their faults due to their status as celebrities. They wanted to date in privacy, away from the spotlight.

Both of them were virgins the first night, although not from the lack of trying by Garfield when he was with Terra, but he knew later on that he was _never_ close to sleeping with her. He could barely have called her his girlfriend. Raven, on the other hand, never thought she would even _have_ sex. Not only was she the product of rape, but she thought if she experienced an orgasm that she would destroy the city. Thankfully, she was wrong on that account.

After their first time, although very painful for both parties involved and it only lasted two minutes top, they agreed that it would bring them closer together and fuck the rest of the world for judging them.

Garfield let out a soft moan and tilted his head back. It was a cue that she should go even faster and that they were almost there, the sensation building up.

" _Az..aza-rath, Me-TRION, Zin-thos…_ "

"Ke-ep chan-ting, _ma-ma_ …" He reminded her, she had a nasty habit sometimes of stopping her mantra, just when she needed to concentrate the most.

" _Aza-rath…Me-trion, Zin…Zin…_ "

He grabbed her breast as she arched back. Their breath was panting, eyes closed, and loins happily wet and tingling. She put a finger in his mouth, he sucked it as she tried to remember to chant and breathe.

" _AZA-RATH, Me-TRION, ZIN-THOS…_ "

"I g-ot ya!" He shouted, taking the finger out of his mouth and wrapping his hands around her tightly so she wouldn't resist it.

" _AZ! AZA-RATH!_ "

"Say it!"

" _ME-TRION!_ "

"I lo-ve y-ou!"

" _ZIN-THOS!_ "

"Lo-ve you!"

" _AZA-RATH!_ "

"My Ra-e!"

" _ME-TRION_!…OH!..." She could feel it—coming to its end goal. Her eyes glowed white, feeling herself release onto Garfield's groin, sticky to his thighs.

The candles were put out by her black aura that surrounded the room, but with her release came a sense of calm and only the poor curtains were once again torn, their remains scattered across the room. At least, that was the only damage in the room, but Azarath knows what kind of damage she did to the rest of the Tower.

However, they continued because it was Garfield's turn.

" _Az-a-rath_ …"

"Just…a little…more…" He encouraged, closing his and allowing his mouth to hang open. Empaths were the best sex partners, because she could sense where the hotspots were from Garfield's emotions. His increase pleasure told her where she should keep hitting and when to stop, if necessary. "I love you!"

" _Met-rion."_

"I love you! I…" He shouted, as he felt his warm cum seeping inside her. Both of them came to a stop, breathing heavily, as Raven collapsed onto his stomach. She stared into his soft green eyes, as he ran his hands through her frizzled hair.

"Beast Boy." She whispered his team name. Although she had been calling him by his real name for a few years now, she called him Beast Boy whenever she was around the others or when they were in bed and she thought he was showing his more animalistic side to her. She turned her head to hear his heartbeat and he kissed her head.

He gently grazed his finger against her skin. He was proud of her for overcoming the slight setback they had earlier. He was eager to cuddle and whisper sweet nothings in her ear, believing she had successfully fought off her panic attack, but as he stroked her face, he could feel her cheek become wet with tears.

Knowing she wasn't in the mood for small talk, he decided to hug her tightly and stay quiet. But as she silently cried, he allowed his own tears to drip down his face as well.

* * *

"No." Raven said, continuing to read. "I'm not going to recount my memory, it will only get worse."

They were in their room the day after, most of the mess was cleaned up, but they held back from buying any new curtains or light bulbs, in case the flashbacks were going to continue for a while. In the meantime, it was their day off, after a week of fighting and failing to catch the same criminal, over and over again, until finally he was promptly caught by the five of them.

The two were on the floor, sitting down on opposite sides by the window, with their bare feet rubbing up against each other. Raven was sporting a grey sweater with blue leggings while reading _Crime and Punishment_ while Garfield had on his lazy day outfit of a purple T-shirt and jeans while he read _PTSD: The Trauma and The Treatment_. He pulled it out after it had sat on the shelve for five months. This recent panic attack was such a strong reaction, he knew there was more to it than the standard 'I'm fine' reply from his companion.

"I know it won't be easy. But you have to try." He said, almost pleading with her. "Please, even if your powers _weren't_ controlled by your emotions, I would _still_ beg you to try. Now, even more so. Your job is to be in the line of fire, what if you freeze up again when you are having another flashback? You'll be putting yourself in danger."

"You're not even a trained therapist, what if you do something wrong? It could be dangerous."

"There is no therapist—"

"—there isn't _any_ therapist—" She interrupted.

"—who will see you. They know who you are, they won't risk it."

Raven looked up. "And there isn't any insurance company that will cover the cost anyway. Not after what happened last time. I'm too big of a risk. I'm a danger to others."

"Don't say that—"

"—that's what you were hinting at." She said sharply.

"No, no, no." He corrected. "I'm saying _they_ will think you are, but you aren't. No, you're not a risk, you'll create a mess, but nothing too big to clean up. But you wouldn't hurt anybody. Not if I'm there."

Raven's cheeks colored, but went back to reading. She turned a page. "You think you can contain the demon that's inside me?"

"I know so. _You've_ said it yourself before."

"Yes," She paused, she had remembered saying so on more than one occasion to him. "But that was _before_ Malchior, when were just…starting to date. The point is moot since a therapist won't see me within a 100 mile radius." She pretended she was reading, but wasn't really paying attention to the words anymore. "But you're doing this on your own, I think this is too big for you."

"Bigger than Trigon? Because you were able to take him down single handedly. With our support."

"I had been mentally prepared for Trigon all my life," She lied. "I'm sure I'll get over this in time just like I did with Trigon. I overreacted last night, that's all."

"You can't say it's too big one minute and then not a big deal the next." He pointed out and she couldn't think of a comeback. He went back to his book, flipping to a familiar page he highlighted. " _Flashbacks can worsen over time if you don't address them._ " He read.

"It wasn't that bad." She argued.

" _Therapy will help us to think about or imagine the traumatic event in a safe environment, and we can gradually_ expose _ourselves to those situations that remind us of the event. Inevitably, thinking and talking about the trauma may be upsetting at the time, but it will reduce the overall distress and help resolve the problem._ "

"A few hours of meditation can work as well instead of talking about it."

" _Although it is important to seek professional help—"_

"Yes."

"— _A loved one or a friend can just be as important._ " He paused to look up at Raven.

She was getting weary of his reading. "Isn't there a chapter that states if your love one does _not_ want to talk about it, he/she doesn't have too? And that you should respect it?"

"Well…yes." He said, sheepishly.

In her clear monotone voice, she said, "I don't want to talk about it."

With that, she won the argument. Garfield went back to his book and read quietly.

While he wasn't going to push it anymore as she used his book against him, he certainly wasn't going to drop the subject completely, as it would always be hanging in the background for these coming months as they planned their wedding.

He remembered the smell of the wet, dirty street and tasting the blood in his mouth. The rain falling on their bodies and the lightening striking in the distance. The smell of the street and the taste of blood was a big trigger for him. The lightening was hers. He knew she had others, but she wouldn't tell him. He could guess what those others _could_ be, but for now, there were times she could have a flashback while having breakfast on a sunny day in their kitchen.

Five senses that could trigger his flashback, he could name. The sounds. The smell. The sight. The touch. The taste, what was she tasting at the time? Her own blood as well or her own salvia? Day after day, he repeated what could trigger him. Since he couldn't talk to his lover about it without it triggering it for her _too_.

For months, he talked to a therapist after the event, until he felt he was able to properly do the breathing and talking exercises himself without the need of a therapist. Raven tried the therapist a few times, before accidently setting the office on fire one day and decided she was done.

Their insurance refused to cover Raven anymore without costing a leg and an arm and the other insurance companies in the city follow suit. If they sought out help, not only would they have to pay it themselves, but also cover the cost of any damages she might cause. It wasn't fair, he was so angry when he found out what the city had done, but she wasn't anxious to start the therapy process again, so he let it go.

He could have some command over his flashbacks, it wasn't always perfect and pleasant, but he could at least get through them safely with little tricks he learned. He could help her if she had a flashback when she was with him, but anytime she was alone…he was afraid to leave her alone too often and that was kind of hard to do sometimes for someone like Raven, who preferred the quietness of her own thoughts sometimes.

* * *

A few days later, it was the night of their engagement party, which was two months away from the actual wedding and twenty people had come to the Tower. It originally was _fifty_ people, but Raven managed to talk Starfire down to twenty.

The invitations had gone out, only twenty-five people including two members of the press and the mayor of Jump City were invited. It was going to be on the rooftop of the Tower with a small reception. Starfire and Robin's wedding was three times the size of the Logan's guest list and venue, but Garfield wanted it as quiet as possible.

Garfield was putting on his purple three piece suit and matching bowtie while Raven zipped up her simple long navy blue dress with long sleeves.

"I wish you would wear a shorter dress to show off your legs." He teased.

"Not for a formal occasion."

"It's not _that_ formal. It's only our friends."

"I'm comfortable in this. I hate having to dress to impress anybody, I wish I could just wear my uniform." She looked in the mirror sitting on the dresser, staring at the figure who looked alien to her in that outfit.

Garfield saw her expression. "You know you can wear your uniform, it's a night to celebrate us, not other people."

"Starfire had told them it was a formal event, what would it look like if I came out with my uniform on while they're all wearing suits and dresses?"

"It's not _her_ party."

"But she planned it. _And_ the wedding. No, no, it would look like I didn't try." She looked back at him and put on a smile. "Let's just go and get this over with."

"I told Starfire not to throw this party." He stood up and put his hand on her shoulder. "We don't have to go."

"Yes, we do. It will look bad if we don't. As long as you're there, I'll be fine."

They put on a smile at the party and tried to mingle as much as possible. They ate and went along with most of Starfire's games that she made to the point that almost made Raven have fun. Everything was okay, if not great, until…

" _So, marriage after how many years? Are we to expect_ _a little green bean anytime soon?"_

" _When will you guys start to think about having kids?"_

" _Congratulations guys! I shouldn't asked, but since you've been dating so long, are you by any chance getting married because you have a little bun in the oven?"_

"So, do you guys want kids?" Bumblebee asked plainly, as she sipped her drink. Raven's eyes widen and Garfield saw her discomfort. It had become too much.

"Well, you know, we haven't thought about it." He quickly said. "We want to take things slow, one step at a time. We're just focusing on our wedding right now."

"Excuse me." Raven muttered as she walked away and started heading towards the hallway, away from all the people.

"Oh, she has been complaining about this horrible headache tonight." He tried to explain for her. "She's had a little too much to drink, excuse me."

He followed her out into the hallway and closed the door. He could see her emotionless face, staring into the abyss, wanting to cry.

"Are you alright?" He asked. She looked up to him and saw the ghostly figure with white hair and blue eyes, hovering right behind her green lover.

" _Garfield!_ " She screamed as she closed her eyes and began walking backwards. The ceiling light above them burst open. " _Azarath, metrion, zinthos…Azarath, metrion, zinthos._ " She muttered as she tried taking deep breaths in between to calm herself.

"Are you having another one right now?!" He asked, racing towards her.

"He was right behind you!" She exclaimed before she continued to chant her mantra.

"Okay, okay…let's just…let's go to our room. Come on, take my hand…and we'll walk there."

"All our friends are here! What if I destroy—"

"We're not going to think about them right now." He tried to say calmly. "Just…focus on your breathing."

" _Azarath, metrion, zinthos…Azarath, metrion, zinthos…_ "

As they started walking down the hall, making their way to their room, Cyborg opened the door to the hallway and found them.

"Yo, Starfire was wondering—what's going on?"

"She's having a flashback!" Garfield exclaimed sharply, almost angry. "Tell Star we are done for the night, just make up any excuse to everybody who came. She can't be alone right now!"

"… _Azarath, metrion, zinthos. Azarath, metrion, zinthos…_ "

"I can take over for you or Robin—"

"No!" He shouted. Cyborg was taken aback by his tone. Garfield soften his expression. "I'm sorry, Cy. It's just that…I know how to handle this. _I_ read the books and _I_ know what she's seeing and hearing."

Cyborg looked on to his grey friend and saw the dry tears in her eyes with her hands over her ears to drown out their talking.

"… _Azarath, metrion, zinthos. Azarath, metrion, zinthos…_ "

"What should I tell people when they ask where you are?" He asked.

"Just…just say that we were both either so tired or drunk that we fell asleep in our room…and…and you didn't want to wake us up." He grabbed onto his lover's hand and she squeezed it tight.

" _...Azarath, metrion, zinthos. Azarath, metrion, zinthos…_ "

"B, you really can't have this on your shoulders alone! You need help! _She_ needs help! _Professional_ help."

"I know," He said, looking into her violet eyes, now wide open. "But who would see her like this?!"

"We'll find someone!"

"No, we've looked all over. Every last one of them won't see her, nor will they come _here_ for their own safety. Plus, if she doesn't want to talk about it…I'm not…I'm not going to push her!" She tighten her grip around his hand.

"… _Azarath, metrion, zinthos. Azarath, metrion, zinthos…_ "

"Then let one of us help her; you were also there, what if her flashback triggers something in you? What if you both have panic attacks at the same time?! You can't be this irresponsible with both of y'all's health! Stop thinking you can solve everything on your own! You can't!"

" _I don't care!_ " He snapped, looking at Cyborg with fury in his eyes.

He was tired of constantly being told by the others what to do, like the two of them hadn't tried everything three times the team had suggested. The anger was building up inside of him, he could feel his hands twitching as his instinct was telling him to change form.

Raven saw his fingers slowly transforming into claws and growing slightly bigger, she laid a palm on his head and turned it towards her.

"… _Azarath, metrion, zinthos…_ Please… _Azarath, metrion, zinthos…_ " She chanted, shaking her head. He let go of his anger.

"Okay." Cyborg said, seeing that Garfield's hand change, knowing it was time to leave them alone. "I'll let Star and Robin know. But if it becomes too much for you, just get one of us. You know we're always here."

"I know," Garfield confessed as he continued to look into his lover's eyes. "But it's something I know I can handle."

"Raven? You know we're here for you too?"

She nodded, but continued to stare into Garfield's eyes. " _...Azarath, metrion, zinthos. Azarath, metrion, zinthos…_ "

"Okay, let's continue walking." Garfield said calmly, as Cyborg left.


	2. The Agreement

Twenty minutes.

Garfield had check the clock again for the third time in the past minute as he held onto Raven's hand while she swayed back and forth on their bed repeating her mantra. He asked her earlier if she wanted to describe what she was experiencing, but she said no. He knew this party was a bad idea, but he didn't think anybody would ask them about _kids_. Now that he had time to reflect, it was kind of obvious that it would be a topic of conversation. After all, wedding, marriage, and kids all seemed to fall into similar categories.

Twenty-one minutes.

It had been a few months since Raven had a flashback lasting this long. Before she would walk around the room, purposely destroying the objects in her path so she could snap out of it. Now, she trained herself to sit still and try to calmly get through it. He didn't know what she was visualizing or if she was just hearing voices, but she was drowning them out with her chanting.

Twenty-two minutes.

He told her to try stomping her feet, to throw things with her mind, anything for her to remember that she is physically not out in the street, but inside her room, where it was safe, but she said those things didn't work and she was afraid of causing _too_ much destruction. He tried reading to her, talking to her, but since _he_ was there in the flashback as well, it was probably best for him to stay quiet.

Twenty-three minutes.

All he could do now was watch her and hold her hand as hard as he can, until it hurt so she could at least remember she wasn't alone in the room. The fact that he couldn't talk to her made the minutes go by slowly, maybe Cyborg was right. Maybe he should let his friends help. Why did he feel he could do it all alone—?

"… _Metrion. Zin..._ " She opened her eyes. "It's over."

He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly. "Are you okay?!"

"I-I…" She stuttered. She broke the hug and looked up at him.

Garfield saw that her lips wanted to recount everything she had seen in the flashback, but she was afraid and doubted herself to keep her emotions intact. Instead, she changed her expression and stood up, walking away from him.

"Tell Starfire, I am not going to anymore parties." She said as she undid her dress. "We'll have a small wedding, no reception—if they want one, fine. But I'm not going. Just a wedding, cake and then bed. That's it. I can't stand the crowd of people, having to put on a smile when I just want a small affair."

"Okay. Sure." He said, a little upset that she was focusing on the party instead. "But I get to choose the cake, right?" He joked, knowing it would brighten up her mood.

"You can have your vegan cake. But we'll still have one for people with taste buds." She said, smiling.

* * *

It was eight in the morning when Raven woke up. She was hoping to stay asleep longer, wanting to truly get lost in a dream so she could wake up completely refresh instead of groggy, but she was awoken by a soft muttering noise.

She looked at her drawer next to her, believing it was probably one of their cellphones on vibrate waking her, but when she saw their cellphones were not vibrating, she turned around and notice the space next to her was empty. Thinking he was just in the bathroom, since it was an ungodly hour for _him_ to be up, she decided to get some tea from the kitchen.

However, when she walked by the bathroom door, she discovered the soft muttering noise was coming from behind the door.

" _(Sniffing)…w-what can I do?_ " He whispered. " _Sh-she won't talk to me ab-about it…I…What would_ you _guys_ _do?...I…_ "

He then quietly burst into tears, probably not for the first time that morning. Raven sat down, with her ear and palm pressing up against the metal door. She wondered who he was talking too, since his cellphone was on her drawer.

" _I'm…I'm trying my best…put-putting on a br-brave face. But…it-it tears me up inside…what-what if she calls off-off the wedding because…be-be-because of all this? (Sniffing) She-she's only started to get worse again since-since I proposed. I-I-I thought we had moved forward…I wish you guys were here…you w-would know what to do. You al-always knew what to do._ "

She looked over to his drawer and noticed a picture frame was missing. She was afraid to open up the door, so she sat there and stared up at the ceiling, getting lost in her thoughts. Why would he believe that she would call off the wedding? Didn't he know what she was going through and that it was just another hurdle this empath had to feel for the rest of her life?

He had _been_ therewhen it _happened_ , he didn't need to hear her recount the story since he already knew how it happened. Of course, they had never really _talked_ about it afterwards, they just both knew it had happened, acknowledged it, and tried to move on with their lives.

But…they didn't really move on, just only tried to avoid the subject matter altogether. Of course, the idea of the event was brought up when Garfield had helpful advice, but again, that wasn't really _talking_ about what had happened, just working through the symptoms.

The more she thought about it as he cried on the other side of the door, the more she questioned herself, what was she _really_ afraid of? That it would happen _again_? Doubtless, since Malchior was dead, his ashes buried deep in the middle of the Pacific.

As she searched for the answer, she came to the realization that she really was just afraid of _losing_ Garfield. Silly as it was, but she thought if they talked about it in full detail and she _still_ wasn't cured, would he feel it wasn't worth it to stay together? Would he find it too difficult to still be together since it was a shared memory?

She could still hear him silently sobbing only four feet away from her. It had been eight years, why couldn't she just trust herself and him that whatever happens, they gave it their best shot. They had been in some rough patches before and they made it through. Those tears she was hearing were not from a man who would just leave her all alone. She had spent a long time wallowing in her pain by herself, but maybe it was time to share it. Cautiously, she stood up and opened the door.

Inside, Garfield was sitting in the bathtub, wearing his purple animal pajamas as he tightly held onto the picture frame that was in his hands. Tears and snot were rolling down his face and his eyes were bright red. He was surprised that he was caught and tried hiding the picture behind his back as he quickly rubbed his nose and eyes.

"R-raven! Just a sec…I-I had something in m-my eyes and I came—"

She walked over to the tub and sat down on the opposite side. She then reached her hand behind his back and pulled out the picture frame, revealing the image of a blonde man and brunette woman standing in a jungle with their small blonde boy.

"I-I didn't want y-you to hear me, _(sniffing)_ you-you have enough t-to worry…about…I-I didn't—"

"You don't have to hide your pain." She said softly, rubbing his leg to help relieve his stress.

"But-but you—"

" _We_ were both there." She had felt guilty—even though she knew she shouldn't—but after a week of being reclusive, reliving the painful memories that plague her mind, and relying on Garfield to be there at her beck and call, it was taking a toll on him as well. Maybe it had always been taking a toll on him, but she had finally caught him falling apart. "I'm sorry. Garfield, I don't mean to cause you pain."

"Y-you're not… _(sniffing)_ I-I'm fine…"

"No, you're not. I'm an empath, I can feel the stress inside of you. The worrying. The pain. The heartbreak." She stared at the picture frame. "You shouldn't have to suffer alone, _I_ shouldn't have to suffer alone."

"Y-you don't—"

"Yes, I do. I don't tell you what's going on, only that I…I am seeing things." She looked up at him. "I'm concern, you almost _turned_ last night, almost released your beast—on Cyborg of all people."

"I-I was st-stressed out, he w-was arguing _(sniffing)_ with me, wh-while I was trying t-to make you calm. He-he didn't help the s-situation."

"I know." She agreed. "I thought I could handle it, but I see now, it's just…it has not been working." She finally admitted. "This was bound to happen, I stopped treatment way too earlier, thinking that I could do it alone, like I always do."

"No-no…"

"I'll…I'll…" It was hard for her to say the words. "I'll do…it."

"Do wh-what?" He asked.

"Recounting it, exposure therapy, whatever it's called. I'm-I'm willing to try it." Her heart pounded.

"What…what ch-changed your mind?" He wanted to think it was because of his persuasion, but he knew there was something more.

"Usually…when I relive it, hear it, I take it as pain that's happening to _me_ alone." She started. "But, I forget. I forget you went through it too, that I'm _not_ the only one who's fighting this. I forget that anytime I'm in pain, _you're_ in pain, because you're watching me. I forget…you watched your parents die." She held the picture frame up to him. "And you got through it. I watched my father die and was filled with relief and happiness—you watched them die and you were filled with misery and sorrow…for a time."

She put the picture down and used her black energy to grab the box of tissues that was sitting on the sink. She took one and helped wiped his tears away as she stroke his hair.

"You've seen two things horrible in your life that could turn anybody into a horrible person. Your parents dying and…and what happened to us. But…you survived it. And…and you're _you_. You laugh and joke and smile." She helped him stand up and walk out of the tub. "And I forget, I want that too."

"B-but aren't you af-afraid _(sniffing)_ that you'll bl-blow up the city or something?"

"Yes, I am." Although the sentence was always an over exaggeration on her part, destroying buildings was her genuine fear. "But…like you said. I have _you_ to tame the demon inside of me, just like I do with you. I trust you'll do this right." She said.

He pressed his lips against hers, tasting his snot and tears that were covering around his mouth.

"One more thing," She said when they broke apart. "We _are_ going to get married. It doesn't matter how much smaller I make the venue each day or refuse to engage in these wedding traditions. I am not going to call it off. If anything, I rather just go to the courthouse and get it over with."

"Y-you know the others won't like that." He stated, smiling.

"Don't I know it? Just a courthouse and then cake. That's it. I would be happy with that much."

"Y-you would?" He asked, curious.

"Yes. You can still have your vegan cake too."

"Okay then." His tears were drying up and his speech was becoming normal again.

 _(Sniffing)_ Let's do it."

"Do what?" She asked, confused.

"L-let's elope. Today. Now." He proposed.

"What? Are you serious?"

"Totally. If-if eloping would make you happy, I-I want to do what makes you happy. I-I don't _need_ a wedding either. If-if getting married now will help with your stress, let's ju-just do it."

"But what about the guests? The invitations were sent out, Starfire would be disappointed and—"

"Well, of-of course we'll have _that_ wedding, I don't have a death wish. But it-it'll just be an act. We'll already be married by that point and don't-don't have to worry about all that extra pressure we'll get from the others and ourselves about walking down the aisle. It'll just be a play we're performing. And the best part is, nobody will know except us." He grabbed her hand and looked into violet eyes. "So?"

"But who will witness us? We can't just ask any stranger in the courthouse, they'll go on and talk to the press about it. If the guys or Starfire finds out—"

"We won't get married here. The next city or town. If someone does go to the press, it would be harder for them to sell the story if we did it outside the city limits when we have a scheduled one coming up soon. Plus, I hate to say it, but we're _not_ Robin and Starfire. The press doesn't really care about us that much, we're C level celebrities, if anything."

She went over the details in her head. It would definitely help with her current stress level and she never really wanted a big wedding to begin with. The more she thought about it, the more it made sense. "I'll go get my dress." She said, smiling.

* * *

"Do I look nervous? I'm not nervous. _Do I look nervous?_ " Garfield asked the tall brunette woman who was officiating the ceremony as he used his hands to fan his hot face.

He had on a fine cotton dark purple vest with a white dress shirt paired with a dark purple bowtie. His matching fitted dark purple pants were itching him and he kept checking to make sure the rose in his lapel was still there. He took off his jacket because it was just making him sweat even more.

His bride was only five feet away, repeating her mantra to herself before she would walk down the small aisle in the garden outside the town hall. They decided to spend the extra money to be outside, in case of any accidents Raven might cause and there was the added benefit that the colorful surroundings would calm both of their nerves.

"You're fine, it's completely normal." The officiant said with a smile. "Is…is she ready?" Pointing over to the strange grey creature.

"Don't worry, we won't go over our time. If we are running late, we can shorten our vows. But…let her take her time." He ran his fingers through his hair, trying to smooth it out. He had put gel in it, but it mostly just made his hair greasy rather than keeping it tamed.

The sun radiated her vibrant simple white silk dress, hugging her figure. She had picked one with a small scoop neckline in order to appease Starfire, as it seemed she already was getting a boring Amish-looking dress. She did opted for short caped sleeves so Garfield could see her arms. Although he was a leg man, showing off her arms was a much more subtle way of letting him _look_ at her without their guests being none the wiser.

" _Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos._ " The grey figure took a deep breath in and out, with the wind gently blowing hair, styled in a small ponytail, with her longer front pieces spilling out, and a small birdcage veil hid part of her face. "Okay, I'm ready." She looked up to her groom as she walked toward him with the sound of nature being her music.

Although she only took six steps, Garfield couldn't help, but cry. He loved the years dating her, he would never say ' _finally, she said yes_ ', because he had been with her all this time. Although marriage had always been the back of his mind, it wasn't an end goal, just a level up.

"Friends, we are gathered here…" The officiant spoke.

Raven came face-to-face with her companion, friend, and lover for eight years, not including the years they only knew each other as team mates, and she wasn't completely sure how to respond to his crying. She thought hugging him would be weird right now, as they were supposed to stand there, and without any flowers in her hands, she felt awkward.

She could only stare at him as he was going through the box of tissues the witness, a short blonde man, had on hand. They were both afraid that _she_ would be too emotional, but there were only small burst of her aura shaking the trees and moving rocks around, nothing too damaging.

"…And now the vows…"

Garfield spoke of their time as teens, running around and barely defeating villains with death wishes after them. She talked about the times where she didn't find his jokes funny, but it amused her to shut him down.

They both talked of Trigon—although with present company, only mentioned the word 'father' and made it seem like they were talking about metaphoric demons instead of literal demons.

He talked of their shaky start, the dates, all the worrying and fretting, and the moment when he realized he really did love her. She mentioned how they both had rocky relationships before and even though she was primarily the one who was afraid to start one with him, she knew he was too.

They both vowed to always be there for each other, even during times when they were angry, heartbroken, or Azarath forbid, one of them would go insane by all the fighting they would do on a daily basis…which was a possibly.

As Garfield placed the sliver ring on her finger, saying his 'I do's', he saw in his peripheral vision that the empty chairs began to hover in their place with that familiar black energy. The witness, startled by the chairs, stood up, but continued watching nevertheless, only just a bit more aware of his surroundings.

Raven's eyes continued to stare into those forest greens, ignoring the dancing chairs as she concentrated on her energy. When she placed the sliver ring on his finger and said her 'I do's', his eyes became watering again. She would have gladly join him, but she had to focus her mind on the black aura she was creating around the chairs and the trees.

Anybody watching would assume she was bored with the vows, as her stone face didn't betray any strong emotion. However inside, she was beaming with joy and excitement. Any other day, she could smile, laugh, be angry for a short moment and nothing would break because she was getting better at controlling the energy stored inside of her, but today was different.

"…You both now have committed your love and by the power vested in me by the State of California, it is my honor and delight to declare you husband and wife. You may seal this declaration with a kiss."

They both leaned in and pressed their lips firmly together, keeping it a small kiss since they were surrounded by strangers. Raven's cloak was sitting underneath the witness's chair and he pulled it out and handed it to the groom, an arrangement he was told beforehand. Raven allowed Garfield to wrap the cloak around her shoulders before securing it at the base of her neck. The dark blue color vanished and was replaced by a snowy white.

The cloak, an article of clothing to hide herself from the world was now used to mark their love.

* * *

"Do-do you love me?!" He screamed, pounding into her once again, losing his breath.

They had flown north for hours, with only one suitcase to share, as they wanted a spot far away from society. Not knowing where they were, they finally found a remote field with tall grass next to a series of red fir's that seemed to touch the sky. It was beautiful, it was quiet, and it was all theirs.

Raven was bent over, hugging the tree for support, as her left leg was held in the air by Garfield, who was sinking his sex into her inner lips from behind, instead of face to face. His right hand holding onto her hip for support. Their naked bodies covered in sweat and leaves, glistening in the sun, with their wedding garments tossed aside next to them.

" _Az-za-rath!_ " Her voice cried out, the hard thrusts breaking up her words. She rested her forehead on the bark as she move along with him, her grip becoming tighter by the second.

"I lo-ve y-ou!" He boasted, pressing harder and harder into her as more leaves rained down from the trees, sticking to their skin like glue.

" _Me-trion!_ "

The whole tree was covered with her black energy, but since it was firmly planted in the Earth, and a few hundred years old, only the leaves and branches were affected. They were breaking, ripping, or exploding before they had a chance to fall down on the two. Raven knew the good tree could endure it, only with a lot less leaves. At least the animals had disappeared from their vicinity.

"I'm al-l yo-yours!"

" _Zin-thos!_ "

"Yours!"

" _Az-a-rath!_ " She moaned. He knew her words were meant to answer him back with 'yes', but because she had to keep chanting in order to try to keep her thoughts semi-clear, he settled for the words of her mantra.

Beads of sweat were rolling down their faces, her hair was getting frizzy while his was just a wet mess without any style. He was losing his grip on her because of his sweaty palms, but kept holding her in different places around her hips and thighs.

The teenager Raven would have been appalled by her indecency, to fuck outdoors without any shame, but after eight years of being underneath his skin, six of which had actually involved sex, she didn't care as much as she used too about certain things. The harder and closer Garfield was inside of her, the safer she felt.

"Lo-ve y-ou! Lo-ve y-ou! Lo-ve y-ou!" He repeated, as if it became his own mantra.

She was beginning to lose her grip around the tree as the intense feeling developing in her loins was starting to prevent her from concentrating. She used her left hand to help support her leg, which was lifted up by Garfield, and rested her right hand firmly on the tree. Her breathing was fast and heavy, grunting occasionally.

" _Me-trion! Zin-THOS…Az-a-rath! Me-trion!_ " The tenderness was bubbling up inside of her, she wanted to hold her breath at certain times, but knew she couldn't or she lose her concentration.

More leaves fell, twisted in the air before they exploded into nothingness. Branches bending where they stood and breaking off into little pieces while the two began to reach their breaking point.

Garfield was lost in the moment while she was lost in her mind, he had much more confidence in his ability to tame the demon inside of her—so to speak—for their upcoming exposure therapy. He didn't want to admit it, but he was scared himself, scared that he wouldn't want to relive it as well. He knew he should get a professional, but they wouldn't cover Raven—not unless he just pay for it themselves, but they weren't rich.

Her face tensed up as he went faster. He felt like he was being put under a spell the way her pink cave felt against his green loins. Her mouth stood open in between her mantra, gasping for air with each breath and hoping that she wouldn't stop when it became all too much. He continued to hold onto her leg, as he clasped her left hand, so she wouldn't go anywhere.

" _Aza-rath!_ "

"Ke-eep ch-ant-ing _ma-ma_!"

" _Me….met-trion!_ "

"Loud-er!"

" _Z-zin-thos!_ " She started screaming, her voice piercing the air and causing birds to fall away.

"Lo-uder!"

" _Az….!_ " Her voice trailed off, they were both reaching their climax.

He knew she couldn't stop her mantra. "What _? I c-an't h-hear you!_ " He said in a singsong voice.

" _AZA-RATH!_ "

"Wha-cha say?!"

" _ME-TRION!_ "

" _Y-you're los-ing yo-ur voi-ce_ , ma-ma!" He howled.

" _ZIN….ZIN-THOS_!" Her grip on his hand was becoming tighter. " _AZA-RATH! ME-TRION! ZIN-THOS! AZA-RATH! ME-TRION! ZIN-THOS!...OH! BE-AST B-OY!_ " She at last moaned. He loved the sound of his team name by her. The intoxicated feeling of flying high overwhelmed her senses as she released her juices onto him.

 _Whoosh!_

 _Crack!_

The log that was sitting near them was hurled into the sky by a black force field and was ripped apart in half, its bark raining down on them, but they didn't care.

He was not done. Garfield hugged her body and flipped her over, so he could see her face. She leaned up against the bark and hugged him tightly, as he drove into her, wincing from the sensations. She continued chanting, even though she was done, but cumming twice sometimes happened to her.

Garfield picked up speed once again and her back was getting pressed up against the scratchy bark, but she didn't mind. She hoisted her head up in the air as he pulled on her hair, his arms around her getting tighter. She moaned out the pain, but it was a welcomed pain.

" _Az-a-rath, ME-trion, zin-thos…_ "

She lowered her eyes, so she could see the hairy green man's face pressing up against her and although her vision was a bit blurry from the hair particles in front of her, she could still see his scrunched-up face, trying to hide the intense pleasure. Harder and harder they pressed, until her back started to get cut from the pointy bark. The sounds of her faded mantra and his own moaning filled the air.

"O-h m-an! O-h m-an! I lo-ve ya, _ma-ma!_ "He exclaimed, his own nectar spilling out of his loins, before letting go of her hair. He rested his face against hers, before moving his mouth over and kissing those soft grey lips.

 _Crunch!_

The log above them continued to tear itself apart. They stood there for a few moments, not slipping out, but just standing there, staring into each other's eyes as they were catching their breath. Their hearts racing as the world seemed to grow smaller for them.

Finally, Raven decided to break it off and carefully slid out of him, using her energy to bring her uniform and a towel. She didn't want to clean herself off just yet, but she knew she had too and went behind the very tree they made love on to do the deed.

Garfield walked over to their suitcase and did the same, gathering his uniform and a towel they had packed. As he was wiping himself off and watched the dazzling woman get dressed, her skin painted as the pale moon.

"D-do…." His breathing was still rapid. "Do you…want to go….back?"

"We…have too. They'll…they'll be worried."

"Well—"

"It's a…three hour trip south. We said…we be back by night…not the next morning."

She was right, they had responsibilities, any minute now a villain of some sort could have escape the penitentiary and here they were off…getting themselves off.

"You-you're right…I'll call Robin…let him know we'll be late." He said as he got out his communicator from his uniform.

"Well, get…dress first."

"What? And have…him not see _these_ abs." He said as he flexed, but since he was a skinny vegan, they were not that impressive. She chuckled, but quickly went back to her stone face.

When they were all dress and Robin was notified, they hid their wedding bands in their suitcase and just as they were about to fly, Raven looked into Garfield's eyes and kissed him softy.

"Thank you for today," She said, almost revealing a hint of an expression. "Secret husband."

"Secret wife." He smiled, he liked the sound of those words and saw her cloak slowly change its color to white.

* * *

"We…we were walking." She murmured, her eyes were closed and she was clutching Garfield's hands as they sat cross-legged on the floor in the middle of their room.

The only source of light they had were coming from the candles placed around them in a circle as the smell of lavender and vanilla filled the air. It had been two days after their elopement and they both told the Titans about their plan of trying exposure therapy by themselves. The team doubted that Garfield could do it on his own, but nobody was willing to argue with him, not after the fact that he almost turned on Cyborg. For now, they allowed them a few days off, to try it out and see if it worked.

"Yes, we were walking." He said, watching her.

"It started to rain…I remember putting…my-my cloak over you, so you wouldn't get so wet."

"Where were we?" He asked.

"Downtown…it was abandoned…we had just finished fighting a man who robbed a bank…we had cleared the southern half of the city because he had threatened to detonate a bomb…Robin had taken him to jail…it was just us two…we were just finishing up our patrol…making sure, it was safe…" She flinched, and he saw some of the candles around them blew out by a black spark.

"I'm here. You're here in a warm room with me." He assured her. "What are you feeling?"

"Scared." She began to breathe faster.

"Stay with me, what's going on?"

"We're both…we're both…hit by something…we don't see it coming."

"Do you feel the pain?" She nodded and let out a groan. "You're doing great." He said.

" _Azarath, metrion, zinthos. Azarath, metrion, zinthos…_ " She chanted.

"What's touching you? What do you feel touching you?"

"Magic, _dark_ magic."

"And smell?"

"The musty air…what if I can't do this…?"

"Rae, if you give up now, these panic attacks will only get worse. You can do this." He advised softly.

He noticed a black aura surrounded them in a protected field, just as the room had broken into chaos, a chair splitting in half, books falling from the shelves, their bed sheets tying themselves up in a knot, and their clothes dancing in the air. The loud bangs and crashes surely would wake up the other Titans, but he didn't care at the moment. He looked back at her and tried blocking the noise out.

" _Azarath, metrion, zinthos. Azarath, metrion, zinthos…_ " She chanted, ignoring the sound of her powers as well. "I wake up…I see… _you_. We are in an alleyway…you're lying a f-few feet from me. We've only been out for a few seconds…but…"

"What happens next?"

" _Azarath, metrion, zinthos_ …you've…you've been hurt. Blood is all over you…your face, your arms, there's an open wound on your stomach…my first instinct is to heal you…but…but… _Azarath, metrion, zinthos_ …"

"Breathe." He whispered.

 _Smack!_

 _Whoosh!_

He saw the books had become violent and were being thrown across the room, one had hit their force field, but they were safe inside.

"I-I-I-I just…can't move!" Another book hit their force field. "It's…dark magic! I can't move…you wake up…"

He remembered. "And I can't move."

* * *

" _Ra-raven, what's going on? Why can't I move?!" He exclaimed, he felt a sting in his lower abdomen._

 _He guessed that he was bleeding. His head was fixed to one side and he couldn't even change into another form because that would require him to control his body. He couldn't do anything. He could only stare at his grey companion lying a few feet from him, as she stared at his almost lifeless body. He saw that her eyes looked up and widened with her jaw clenching, something was behind him._

" _What's going on? Who is behind me?" He noticed there was blood coming from her head. "Oh god! Rae!"_

" _Malchior!" She exclaimed._

* * *

"…Malchior…" Raven said in present day.

"You're doing fine…"

* * *

" _Why can't we move?" She demanded, but he didn't answer "You-you escaped the book, but you were then defeated when we battled the Brotherhood of Evil. You were sent to another dimension. How did you get here?"_

" _That magic wasn't strong enough." The tall figure said in his posh English accent._

" _Malchior?!" Garfield exclaimed, he tried turning his head, but realized he couldn't. "The guy in the book?! The one who tricked you?!"_

" _And this must be Beast Boy, the smashing genius." He said sarcastically._

 _He walked in front of Garfield so he could get good look of the fallen beast and there he was; a lean grey figure with long white hair, silver armor with a giant 'M' burned in, black clothing underneath, his long flowing scarf to hide his mouth, and those blue eyes with long lashes. Garfield could imagine Raven falling for those eyes, they seemed so big and trustworthy._

" _Oh brilliant, he's green." Malchior said._

" _Says the talking book!" He snapped. Garfield had never really seen Malchior in his human body before, but seeing those bright blue eyes and long white hair still caused him to recoil. "What did you do to us?!"_

" _Dark magic." Raven answered._

" _Correct, but I was kind enough to let your jaw free so you can talk, I have missed your voice, somewhat."_

" _But why can't I use my powers?"_

" _I've learned some tricks while I was banished. You can express as much as you want now, but your magic won't appear. A little gift from me." He said, he bend over and stared at those violet eyes, running a finger down her cheek. "You haven't change a bit. Still the same hair, I see."_

" _GET AWAY FROM HER!" Garfield growled._

" _My, my, my, Beast Boy, you sound jealous." He said, but he saw her eyes widen with fear when he said the word 'jealous'. "Not you too, Raven dear. After everything you said to me, it sounded like he was the biggest idiot in the world. And_ you _fell for him. What does that make you?"_

" _We're just teammates, just friends." She lied, trying to protect him from further harm. She didn't like this feeling of being completely helpless, her powers taken away from her._

 _Thunder started roaring from the skies as lightning occasionally hit the tall buildings. The rain poured down on them harder and Raven tried to feel as much as she could, enough so that her powers_ would _destroy the city, feeling scared and using it to her advantage—but it was all to no avail._

" _Oh, but Raven, we were once friends, in fact, we were more than friends if I—"_

* * *

"—I-I can't!" Present day Raven objected. "I-I-I don't re-remember."

"Yes, you do." Garfield said, knowing that she was lying. "What happened next?"

" _Azarath, metrion, zinthos. Azarath, metrion, zinthos…_ "

He held her hand tighter and looked around the room. It was completely destroyed as dry candle wax was everywhere, the hallway door was open and their sheets were draped over the carpet, and he could hear their bathroom sink running. It had been forty-two minutes since they started and he knew she just couldn't go on.

He knew he should continue, as she needed to recount the _whole_ event, but he didn't want to run the risk of completely destroying the Tower and fatiguing her emotions; she needed time to mediate and begin again another day. Also, and it was a small worry in the back of his mind, he didn't want to relive the memory as well.

He kissed her cheek and tasted the salty tears. "Let's end it for today. That was enough." She hugged him tightly, whispering her mantra into his ear.

It was day one.


	3. The Release

It's an American Thanksgiving Day miracle.

I realized how short the story was and didn't really have a second act, I'd written the beginning and ending, but the second act was almost none existence, which is why it has taken me so long to update. Also, I have been busy with school, family matters, and having a deep reaction to an event happening in my country (USA).

Rest assure, I do have an ending, I was busy tinkering with the middle.

* * *

It was day ten of exposure therapy.

Each afternoon Raven would recount a little more about that night, relaying details, but she had trouble getting pass the part where Malchior teased her for being with Garfield.

"He…he said to you, 'you sound jealous'…" She said, as she paced the room, with the sun shining down and brightening up the gloomy décor.

"And what were you thinking?" He asked, walking beside her and looking around the room for any flying objects that might come their way.

"I was worried…he would find out about us…that he would seek revenge through you instead of me….then he saw my eyes, and he knew…"

"What happened next?"

She closed her eyes; part of her was having trouble remembering what exactly happened next, thanks to her brain blocking it out, but part of her was afraid to recall.

"Rain…I can feel the rain on my face, I can't exactly remember."

Garfield sighed and made his way to the bed, sitting on its cushions. He was tired, cranky, and little annoyed that she was being hesitant again. At first he was willing to wait it out, let her take her time, but this was the tenth time she went over the story, and still she hesitated; still, she stumbled upon the details, at the most crucial part.

"What do you remember, Rae?" He asked, trying not to sound too annoyed.

"I…" The empath could feel his frustrations rising. She rubbed her head, trying to remember.

"Rae?"

"…It was raining…"

" _Rae?_ "

"I'm trying my best!" She snapped, with a hard thump heard from one of the walls as a book smashed into it. "I can _feel_ you sulky there, you're not helping!"

"I-I can't help it!" He admitted, looking up. "I thought you would get past the 'friends' part by now, at least a sentence of what happened next. I know your memory blocked a lot of stuff, but I _think_ you _do_ remember some parts. You just don't want to say it out loud."

She opened her eyes and stared at the shape shifter who dared to call her a liar. "It's not as simple as that! I don't want to overstimulate my emotions with all this…remembering. If I really think hard enough, if I really dig deep down…I don't think my emotions—this Tower—could take it."

"But that's not going to help you! If you're not trying that hard—"

"— _I am!_ " Her eyes flashed scarlet red.

 _Whack!_

A book came hurdling towards Garfield, but she shield him with her black aura as her eyes slowly faded back to violet. Even in her moments of Rage, she still protected Garfield from the destruction she caused. Seeing the book drop down to the ground and realizing she had lost control for a moment, she sighed and sat down on the floor, facing the window. She looked out towards the ocean, allowing the silence in the room to grow.

Garfield knew he had gone too far, but how do you show tough love to someone whose emotions sometimes _literally_ couldn't handle it? He would have to try a different tackle if he wanted to get her to open up.

"How much do you remember?" He asked gently.

She didn't answer him right away, but merely continued getting lost in her own thoughts. " _Some_." She finally said in a biting tone.

"Do you remember the next part? Or is it fuzzy?"

"Some of it is, some of it isn't."

"Why don't we start about the stuff you remember first?"

She watched as the crystal blue waves danced, hitting the sandy shore just below her window. Her mind wander to those fragmented memories.

 _…"_ _I'm not in the mood of your games, I know how smart you are." Malchior said…_

 _…_ _A giant mass of energy, in the shape of a raven, surrounded her…_

 _…"_ _HELP HER!" Garfield demanded in anger…_

"Rae?" Garfield said, interrupting her thoughts.

She turned to him. "Aren't you afraid?"

He walked over to her, sitting down by her side and putting an arm around her. "Well…of course I am. Remember, after it happened, I saw that shrink for a few months, before I decided I was good enough to move on. It was hard at first, but eventually, I could remember those small details, the kind that keeps me up at night; the kind you're blocking out."

She rested her head on his shoulder and he brushed the small pieces of her lavender hair behind her ear.

"You know what I remember next?" He whispered. He had to do it, it was the only way. This memory block would be lifted one way or the other.

"Don't..."

"He ran his fingers on you." She closed her eyes and flinched, feeling the impact of Malchoir's slimy fingers. "I knew what he was going to do the moment he touched you. And you did too. You tried talking your way out of it, but…"

"— _Azarath, metrion, zinthos. Azarath, metrion, zinthos…_ " She kneeled forward and pressed her forehead against the floor as the images of her lifeless body lying in the rain came rushing to her head. It looked as if she were praying to an unknown force, but she was trying to cast her energy to objects around the room instead of anywhere else in the Tower.

"Rae?"

 _Whoosh!_

 _Smash!_

 _Bam!_

Garfield ducked as a strong gust of wind came roaring in the room, causing her artifacts and his comic books to fly into the walls. He held onto her as the wind grew more violent and he watched as lightbulbs shatter, breaking into a million pieces. Their purple bed levitating a few feet before crashing back down. The antique oak drawers collapsing in on itself. Her statues levitating and dancing around them in a circle as if her energy knew not to destroy the statues. Then, Garfield saw the walls were cracking.

"Raven! Please! Control yourself!" He shouted, trying to contain her energy.

" _Azarath, metrion, zinthos. Azarath, metrion, zinthos…_ " She continued to chant, tears streaming down her face.

"Look, I know it's hard to remember, but _please_ , remember you're not alone! I was with you! I was there!" He felt his hands slipping from her back as the wind continued to pick up speed. "Raven! Please! Stop!"

" _Azarath, metrion, zinthos. Azarath, metrion, zinthos…_ " She chanted as her mind flashed with memories that were now coming to her for the first time in a long time.

She remembered a slap.

Blood dripping down from his abdomen.

Her legs red.

Malchior's eyes staring at her.

A sharp pain.

A scream.

A heart beep fading.

It all flashed before her eyes. It was at that moment that she remembered _everything_ , but couldn't process what went in what order.

The grey empath cried more as she slowly levitated from the floor and a desperate Garfield tried to hold her down. As she climbed higher and as his grip was failing him, he rushed over to the bed frame, holding onto it and hoping it stay in its place.

"Raven! _Please_ come back! I don't know how much longer I can hold! This wind is pretty strong! You're going to break the windows soon if you don't stop! Raven! _Raven!_ "

Her head bumped into the ceiling, causing her look up and see the destruction she was causing. She wiped her eyes dried and held up her hands.

" _Azarath, metrion, zinthos. Azarath, metrion, zinthos…_ " The wind stopped. Her statues were gently placed on the floor, but the rest of their junk dropped down hard. The small hurricane in the room only lasted less than a minute, but it felt like an eternity.

Garfield let go of the bed frame and looked around the room, torn in pieces. He saw Raven slowly levitating to a sitting position, her face red and puffy from the crying.

"Rae?" He asked, crawling towards her side.

"I…I remember…" She whispered, looking up at him. "You've opened Pandora's box…"

* * *

The two went back to fighting crime and taking their stress out on the small-time crooks. There were days where missions were going on at the same time and the team would split up. Raven would volunteer to fight the bigger threat and Garfield would sometimes go along with her.

However, one day there was a suicidal teen at the edge of the bridge, wanting to jump off and refusing to come down from her spot. The Titans were called to catch her in case she jumped, while the police tried to talk her out of it. At the same time, there was a hostage situation downtown, with loaded guns aimed at civilians. Robin, Cyborg, and Raven went to the hostage situation, while Garfield and Starfire thought they could handle the jumper on their own.

After an hour of the police pleading with the girl to come with them, she finally agreed to allow Garfield and Starfire to take her to the hospital—but only them. The two spent hours with her at the downtown hospital, talking to her about the specialized help that she would need. Believing that the day was a success and a job well done, the two Titans went home, hoping for a nice relaxing evening.

 _"_ _What were you thinking?!"_ Was what Starfire and Garfield could hear as they both walked into the living room.

"I had it under control." Raven said in her monotone.

The three Titans were in the kitchen, with Robin, wearing his black spandex with a blue bird across his chest and throwing his finger in Raven's face as she stood there with her arms crossed. Cyborg was standing between them, trying to maintain the peace if things got out of hand.

"What's going on?" Garfield asked, running into the kitchen.

"Tell him, tell him what happened!" Robin commanded.

"My emotions got the best of me, but it's fine." She told Garfield.

"Best of you?! You almost killed _everybody_ in that room!" Robin lectured.

"Wait…what?!" Garfield asked, racing to Raven's side.

"You're over exaggerating," Raven shot back, she looked at Garfield. "The gunman made a comment to me while I held him…I…freaked out. Things were damaged, he was hurt, but nobody was closed to _dying_."

"You almost killed the hostage!" Robin yelled.

"No, I didn't, _and she's fine!_ " She screamed.

 _Swoosh!_

The cabinet doors flew open by her black energy. Raven ignored the drawers, but Robin didn't.

"She and the others could have been killed by what you did! I don't know what you two have been doing, but I believe it's the cause of this fiasco today!"

Now Garfield was getting angry. "Hold up, she said nobody was hurt, so why don't we all just calm down. Raven would never hurt innocent lives. I know sometimes her emotions can _seem_ like a danger, but at the end of the day, deep down she _never_ harms an innocent."

"Beast Boy, I respect that she's your fiancé and my friend, but I'm speaking as a _leader_ and I say she's uncontrollable."

" _I'm right here_." She snapped.

"Can't you be a little understanding, Robin?" Starfire asked, trying to appeal to his softer side.

"Star, Beast Boy…" He said. "You don't realize the danger I'm talking about."

"What?" Garfield said, as he went up to Robin and got into his face. Robin ignored his power move.

"She had four eyes and they were red. Her voice was not her own…it was an unsettling voice. With her powers, she used the gun against the man and shot his leg. She _almost_ shot him in the head…with the hostage in close range from that failed shot. Cyborg and I grabbed the hostage and the gunman before Raven could fire. Instead, she hit a wall. If we were a few seconds late…two people could possibly be dead and Raven would be in jail. Thankfully, nobody else saw that failed shot, so we got off lucky."

Garfield slowly turned his head back to Raven, but she didn't say anything, only merely looking his disappointed forest green eyes.

"But that doesn't mean she is free to continue fighting for a while." Robin continued. "Her actions have consequences. I know…I know that sometimes Rage doesn't _mean_ to harm the innocent, but today…she almost did." He finished.

"Is this true?" Garfield asked as he continued staring at her. "Rae…that's not your emotions getting the best of you…that's being _possessed_."

"I know it was Rage, but I was still _in_ there." She said softly.

"No, you were not." Robin said.

"I was handling it."

"You're suspended, until further notice."

"You can't do that! I need to release this energy!" She shouted.

 _Wham!_

A plate covered in black aura was thrown at Robin. He had seen the plate only for a second, but with his quick reflex, he caught it in his right hand. She covered her mouth in shock and embarrassment.

Robin handed her the plate as she looked down, feeling useless. "Until further notice."

Stafire followed Robin out into the hallway, wanting to talk some sense into him, as Cyborg sat down and watch the Logan's recoiled.

"I'm sorry." She told Garfield as tears ran down her face and he embraced her.

"It's okay…" He said, although he knew it _wasn't_ , but it was all he could come up with to comfort her. "What…what did the gunman say to you for you to react like _that_?"

"He…he…he commented on my legs and said I would look prettier with a gag ball in my mouth. I tried fighting Rage back, but…the memories of that night and his stupid comment made her come out."

"And kill him?"

"I wanted to _harm_ him. But I was going to push the hostage out of the way, only Robin and Cyborg grabbed them before I had a chance."

"But you were still going to shoot him in the head?!"

She was about to speak, but decided it was not to finish her thought. Instead, she just gave him a guilty expression of what she was thinking and he understood it enough.

"Maybe…maybe Robin is right. Maybe you should hold up on fighting for a while if comments from criminals are going to triggered you." Garfield said gently, combing her hair with his fingers.

"But, that's never going to go away, they always say stupid things like that. Mostly to Starfire, but occasionally to me. It's nothing new."

"Yes, but going through this therapy _is_ new. You're too raw to fight. I'm unraveling your emotions and sometimes words can make you act in the most violent way." He said. She pulled away from him.

"So, what do I do? Just hide under a rock for the rest of my life?" She retorted.

"No, no, no…let's just finish the therapy first. Or at least one _good_ session. I think the more you unearth and let go, the better you'll feel in the end. And then their stupid pig-headed comments will just be like before…stupid."

"Rae, it's going to be okay." Cyborg encouraged. "You can do it."

She looked over at her robotic friend and smiled. Then she accepted Garfield's arms again and press her head against his chest.

"But then how do I release this energy built up if I can't fight?" She asked.

Garfield thought for a moment and then smiled.

"Well…I can think of a few things." He said, giving her a knowing look and raising his eyebrows.

She realized what he meant and smiled back.

"Uh….guys, I'm still in the room." Cyborg said, also knowing what Garfield meant as well and feeling like a third wheel.


	4. The Heartbreak

I know it's been a while, but I was really busy with my last year of college. This piece was _nearly_ done, just not edited, but due to being busy with school, all the things happening in my family around the time when I posted the last chapter, as well as the toxic political climate that was festering in the U.S. (from BOTH sides mind you). I didn't have the proper mindset at the time to edit this chapter—it would have been a rushed chapter.

And considering that it was a difficult subject to write in general, because of the content and not wanting it to feel too cheap, I spent time really developing this last part. I considered this the last chapter of the story, but maybe in the future I'll include one more lemon chapter.

* * *

" _Please_ , the best thing for you to do between these sessions is to find a way to _relax_. Not fuel your energy." Garfield said as he watched his grey companion break the chain off the punching bag she was using.

He could see the fury in her eyes, as she put the chain back together with her aura before going back to punching her target once again. He was a safe distance away from her, but he knew she was getting out of control.

It had been two weeks since Robin suspended her. In the morning, she and Garfield would try to recount her memory and if it was a particularly difficult session, they would make love at night. Her fury and anxiety was what drove her to spend hours in the training room, ripping the heads and legs off of the poor dummies. She was not really a combat fighter, but destroying an inanimate object with her energy gave her a way to release her emotions safely…and not in her teammates faces.

Any other time, Garfield would have loved to watch her punch and kick her way through obstacles, but now he felt a sense of dread anytime he saw her practicing.

"I _am_ relaxing…( _punch)_ I'm not usually a violent person," She said. "But I need an outlet if I am going to be doing these sessions… _(punch)_ these memories, they bring up not only sorrow, but anger. And since I am suspended…" She broke the chain off the bag again, as sweat dripped from her forehead.

"Robin suspended you to _protect_ you. You barely talk to Robin anymore, if at all. He's not the enemy, Rae. These memories are."

She fixed the bag once again and continued her training. "I know, I know he means best, but it still hurts _(punch)_."

"This is not healthy; you've been eating less and training too much. You're losing too much weight."

"Garfield, I _need_ this outlet _(punch, punch)._ "

"Rae…" He said softy, trying to calm her as he moved forward.

"I need this _(punch, punch)_."

"Rae…why don't we go meditate."

"I need to work through this _my_ way _(punch)_."

"But this is _not_ your way, Azarath taught you peace…"

"…And Azarath was destroyed because of their pacifist ways. They refused to fight Trigon, I wasn't there to fight their battles for them and now they're gone."

"Rae…"

"I want my life back _(kick, punch)_ …but I _can't_ _(punch, punch, punch)_ …until I face the fact _(kick, punch, kick)_ …that…I…was…I was…" Her eyes flash red and in an instance, she saw Malchior in front of her. " _Azarath, metrion, zinthos!_ " She cried out before punching the bag with her black aura. It exploded into a million tiny pieces, with the plastic material and stuffing raining down around the arena.

She kneeled on the ground as she rubbed her head, realizing it was just another hallucination. Garfield quietly walked over to her, trying not make any sudden movements while her emotions were still active.

"Until I face the fact that I was…r-raped." She said quietly. "I've…I've never said the word before. I was _raped_ …and you saw it." She looked down at her sweating palms, studying the lines that supposedly could tell her future. "All this power and yet…I couldn't stop him or fight back. And I tried… _oh_ , did I try." She clenched her fist.

"And I tried too."

"I was so afraid he was going to hurt you, that I-I didn't think about what would happen to me."

He kneeled to her. "Let's go meditate."

"No—no…I don't want to meditate, I want to _stay_ angry." She stood up and began pacing around the room.

"Rae, please."

"Don't you 'Rae' me. It's all so clear now…you were lying on the ground, hurt, and I couldn't do _anything_! I've always healed you when you would gets injured in battle…but then, I couldn't do anything, I couldn't move, I felt so useless!"

"He had us under a spell, there wasn't anything I could have done either. You tried your best!"

"But-but, it wasn't good enough. My magic _is_ strong enough, it was just the user who _wasn't_."

"Rae, please." He tried grabbing her hand, but she continued to pace the room and he was forced to follow.

"And then…he walked up to me,"

* * *

" _We're just teammates, just friends." She lied, trying to protect Garfield from further harm. She didn't like this feeling of being completely helpless, her powers taken away from her._

 _Thunder started roaring from the skies as lightning occasionally hit the tall buildings. The rain poured down on them harder and Raven tried to feel as much as she could, enough so that her powers_ would _destroy the city, feeling scared and using it to her advantage—but it was all to no avail._

" _Oh, but Raven, we were once friends, in fact, we were more than friends if I recall." He casually said as he ran a finger down her stomach, which then led to her inner thighs._

" _STOP IT! STOP IT!" Garfield screamed, seeing_ his _hand disappear between her legs._

" _Why are you here?" Raven coolly asked, changing her tone. She needed to take control of the situation._

" _Well, after spending some time trapped in some sort of Hell, I came here, and I wanted to destroy you. But seeing as you aged beautifully, I've had second thoughts."_

" _You think I'm pretty?" She said, trying to butter him up, trying to act innocent to his advances. "Nobody's ever said that to me. Maybe I overacted when you taught me dark magic, but you know—"_

"— _Oh, Raven dear, you're terrible at lying." He responded._

" _I'm not—"_

Smack!

 _Her words were interrupted by a palm striking her face. A bright red mark was left behind and her head now laid on her left side._

* * *

She placed her hand over her cheek, recoiling from the memory. "I remember the slap…and I couldn't stop it."

"Rae…you're going into the memory, we should do this somewhere else."

" _No_ , no, I need to do it now. I _need_ to get better."

* * *

" _I'm not in the mood of your games, I know how smart you are." Malchior said, he used his magic to rip the lower part of her leotard, so her grey sex was out in the open, feeling the cold breeze._

" _DON'T YOU DARE!" Garfield cried, and he could feel his skin crawling, his fur growing, his stomach turned, and his nails slowly turning into claws. He wasn't in control anymore, but that was just what was needed._

" _Although, I like my dragon form, this requires a man's form." Malchior said as he laid on top of her, his head inches away from her face, her heart began beating faster as he turned her head back to meet his eyes. She glared at him in disgust as he used his hand to take out his member. He tried sliding it into her. "You're not very welcoming. I can't get in."_

 _With all her might, she tried conjuring up a spell in her head, letting it out through her fingers. "_ Azarath, metrion, ZINTHOS! _" She shouted._

 _But nothing happened._

 _The intense strong emotions she was feeling were enough to wreak havoc around him and yet they were trapped in her body, as if she was just a normal woman._

 _Garfield's head was spinning, he could barely hear what was going on. His thoughts were racing, his heart pounding harder as his claws grew longer and his abdomen grew hairier and wider._

 _Malchior played with her genitals until it was opened enough just for an entry point. Raven's heart sank from his touch and tried to prepare herself for the inevitable when her powers failed her and her body limped helplessly._

 _Her breathing sped up, her eyes widen, she couldn't do anything. He used his hand to guide himself in._

 _She cried out._

* * *

"And the p-pain!...The p-pain!...I was very raw and bl-bleeding!..." She hugged her abdomen.

 _Bam!_

 _Crack!_

 _Whoosh!_

Weights, target dummies, staffs, and other training equipment lifted from their respected places and flew towards the ceiling, dancing around, before throwing themselves at the walls, hard enough to leave holes. Raven put up a force field around the two. With each thud, they knew how hard she threw.

"Like knives…k-knives inside me!" She started breathing harder.

"Rae, you need to breath, _(inhaling and exhaling)_. Like that. _(Inhaled) Azarath, metrion, zinthos. (Exhaled) Azarath, metrion, zinthos (inhaled)_ …"

" _Azarath, metrion, zinthos. Azarath, metrion, zinthos…"_

"Keep breathing, keep breathing." He repeated. She was gasping for air like she was going into labor, the memory wasn't the worst part, but feeling the phantom pain along with it was.

* * *

" _Azarath, metrion, zinthos. Azarath, metrion, zinthos…_ "

" _AZARATH, METRION, ZINTHOS! AHH-AHHH!" She cried, but her powers were lost. Tears ran down her face, she had never felt this kind of pain before in her life, not even from her first time. She gasped for more air and tried thinking of other ways to get her powers back, but she didn't know what spell he used to caused her to stay limp and to contain her powers._

 _Garfield was growing stronger, bigger, and was getting angry. His eyes finally changed and then…_

 _He laid there, in his beast form._

 _He had the power of ten men…if only he could move. He could only watch, as Malchior claimed his sweetheart. Garfield howled, out of instinct, trying to contact any wolves in the nearby area. He couldn't change into any animal, but this beast form wasn't his control. It was instinct. But still, his conscious was alive inside of him and he went limped again because of it. The memory of this night wouldn't be lost, it would stay with him long after he transformed back._

" _G-ET O-FF, G-ET O-FF, G-ET O-FF! AH-H-H-H-H-HH! AH-H-H-H!" Raven screamed. She never was the type to cry out loud, as she was a silent crier, but it was all too much. Too much pain, feeling useless against him, all while Garfield laid next to her and helplessly watched it happened._

 _Each thrust became more violent than the last. What's worse was that since she couldn't move her body, it couldn't recoil from his touch, so she lay there and took the beating from within._

 _She tried to get in touch with her Rage, if Garfield could turn, why couldn't she? The only problem was that she wasn't mad…which was the only way to summon Rage…she was just terrified and in pain. And even if she_ could _change into Rage, what could she do then? She still wouldn't be able to move, just like Garfield._

* * *

"I-I-I could hear…hear…hear you howling." She gasped, burying her puffy red face into Garfield's chest. "I wanted to ca-call Rage out, _but I just couldn't!_ "

 _Bam!_

 _Crunch!_

They heard the walls being punch by the items in the room.

"I know, Rae. I know. I-I…"

It was starting to get to him, as he was remembering it himself. The rain hitting down on them, that English accent, Garfield's heart beating a hundred miles a minute. He tried holding back his tears.

" _(Sniffing)_ I had changed into…my monster…but _I_ still co-couldn't st-op him. I could on-only watch. I-I-I wanted to close my eyes…but I _needed_ to see…to-to know exactly how m-much he hurt you _(sniffing)_.Wh-what did you feel?"

"I f-felt…"

* * *

" _Ow! Ow-w-w-w-w!" She cried, as Malchior got close to her face and smelled her hair. She managed to spit hard enough to land in his eye._

" _That was not a smart move." He remarked as he placed a hand on her mouth to prevent her from trying to conjure up a spell as he picked up speed and thrust faster and harder._

 _She thought maybe the pain would ease up at some point, but she was wrong, it only grew worse. Her vagina burned, her abdomen was cramping up, her poor cervix getting raw, her inner walls starting to bleed, which created more pain from the burning sensation._

* * *

Raven could no longer talk, as she flinched from the force she felt from the memory. Although tears and snot were running all over her face, she sat there in silence, only sniffling and staring at the ceiling, like she was dead to the world. The arena's bleak walls had far too many large holes in them, as the items buzzed around the room like a swarm of bees.

Garfield wrapped his arms around her, while he stroked her hair, but he couldn't control his own emotions anymore. "Oh, Raven! I'm so-rry, I'm-I'm sorry, I'm so-sorry, I-I'm sor-r-r-ry!" His tears fell on her cheek, yet she didn't respond, but continued to stare off into the distance.

She looked like she was numb, yet she was emotional. She was devastated, yet filled with anger.

"That was the first time I told you I loved you." She said too calmly. " _Azarath, metrion, zinthos. Azarath, metrion, zinthos…_ "

* * *

" _D-O-N'T! D-O-N'T!" She muffled through Malchior's hand. "B-e-ast B-oy…G-a-r-fi-eld…I L-O-VE Y-OU!" She hoped Garfield could hear her._

" _Oh, so you do admit it?" Malchior said, pausing for a bit and lifting his hand._

" _Ple-ase! Do w-hat-ev-er y-ou wa-nt wi-th me, b-ut lea-ve him a-lone!"_

" _My dear Raven, I don't make promises I can't keep."_

 _Her body was shaking, she could only close her eyes and cry. If she had powers, half the city would probably explode. He placed his hand over her mouth once again, his nails digging into her skin. She couldn't keep track of time. Had it been five minutes, ten minutes, an hour since he started? However long it had been, it felt like an eternity to her._

* * *

"I-I thought h-he was going to k-kill you." Garfield cried out.

"I-I remember, I st-started to get wet…down there…and-and I felt guilty and…and confused."

Garfield held her hand tightly. "Oh, _Rae_ …th-that's just your body pro-protecting you fr-from further harm. It's not your fault…it's not your fault…"

"I-I know, but still. I-I became angry at my body. L-like it be-trayed me." Her eyes glowed white as the dumbbells, floating above them, were hurled across the room and smashed into the giant windows. "I-I didn't mean to d-do that… _Azarath, metrion, zinthos. Azarath, metrion, zinthos…_ "

"Breath…breath…"

* * *

 _Off in the distance, she heard howling. Not just one wolf howling, but a pack of them. Either Malchior didn't know that the pack was coming for him as he was busy torturing her or he thought he had more time._

 _Whatever it was, he never saw the dogs._

 _They attacked him head on, about ten of them, Raven counted, and they bit Malchior's body from head to toe. The wolves were grey, black, and white, with yellow and amber eyes, probably not all were from the same pack, but they were working together to tear his skin apart. He tried to fight the dogs off, but since he was taken by surprise and concentrating all his efforts on the wolves, the spell that had made the two Titans motionless, was undone._

 _When the beast realized that he was free, he hunched over to Raven, seeing her torn clothes and blood coming from her side of her mouth all the way down between her legs. Garfield roared and was about to turn and join the wolves, but Raven put her hand on his shoulder. He studied her pale, sad face, and understood that this was not his fight._

 _As he backed down, she slowly flew up above him, with blood still dripping down her legs. She calmly opened her eyes to reveal four bright red diamond eyes._

 _As Malchior was busy fighting the dogs, she used her aura to grab Malchior and knocked him against a brick wall, the wolves still following his scent from below. She hoisted him up in the air once again, the energy nearly choking the life out of him, before smashing him back down to the hard concrete._

"Az _…_ aza _" She was losing her voice from the screaming she had done before, but tried to power through it. "_ Azarath, metrion, zin-THOS! _"She mustered. Her voice deepened as her eyes glowed red._

 _A giant mass of energy, in the shape of a raven, surrounded her. The raven attacked the barely conscious Malchior, crushing him against the wall before he fell back down to the pit of dogs waiting for him._

 _She hesitated and put a hand to her head as she could feel Rage screaming at her to finish him, to not let the dogs have all the fun. She tried to fight Rage, but she was slipping out. "_ Azarath, metrion, ZINTHOS! _"_

 _Before Malchior had time to open his eyes, his long silver locks wrapped themselves around his throat tightly and started choking him. As he tried to fight off his own hair, he was once again hoisted in the air and thrown into a nearby window. Raven smashed his head into the sharp glass, again and again, his face getting redder._

" _No…" She said, trying to fight Rage again, her eyes flashing white back to red back to white. "He's—he's dead…I've killed him…it's over…stop it!"_

 _Rage felt triumphed, she wanted to do more. However, the pain in her stomach had finally contain Rage, as all her energy was lost, and Raven had passed out from three stories up in the air. Garfield had managed to catch her with his oversized palms._

 _She thought her pain would go away after Malchior got off of her, but it still continued and it felt like it was getting worse. She whispered her chanting as she tried healing herself, hoping it wasn't too late._

" _Oh, Azarath!" She cried out, as she focused her energy on her burning abdomen. Was she too late? She was so focused on getting revenge, she had ignored the pain for a small moment. What if she couldn't heal herself? What if…?_

 _She could feel her energy wreaking havoc in the area, parked cars were getting thrown around, loose papers dancing in a vicious circle with the sharpness of a thousand knives, and trash containers melting off in the distance. It was a good thing the area was cleared, with only just the three of them._

 _Garfield watched Raven try to heal herself and became angry. He turned around and joined the dogs, attacking Malchior, pulling his white hair clean off the scalp, trying to put a cut in every inch of his body, making the grey creature as red as possible._

 _Raven looked on and saw Malchior's body being spun around by Garfield, but she knew it wasn't enough for Malchior's body to be dead. She wasn't sure if he was just a spirit who could warp into another body or once his original body died, he died. After all, it wasn't_ his _body to begin with, but the wizard Rorek._

 _She would put him back into his book, burn the damn thing, and scatter the ashes in the sea. That was the plan, but for now, she tried to harness her powers and heal her broken body. She heard street lightbulbs exploding, doors opening, and windows cracking._

 _The dogs scattered, satisfied with their piece, but Garfield wasn't done. He was about to strike_ him _again, hitting him with enough force to crack his skull, but a black force field blocked the beast's attack. Garfield looked behind him and saw the violet-eyed beauty holding up her hand, full of black aura._

" _He's dead! It's over…don't make my mistake and give in to your monster."_

 _Garfield took one more look at Machior, or what was left of him, and decided that he was indeed dead._

 _The beast went by her side and changed back into his human form. She finally saw his face: one black eye, a blue bruise around his lip that stretch to his neck, his clothes were torn from transforming into his monster, and clutching an opened wound on his side as he called for backup. However, she raised her hands and teleported them to the Tower._

* * *

"You—you had never k-killed before." She sniffed. "I-I didn't want that on your conscience."

"But-but, Rae, he had rap— _hurt_ you." He said, with tears in his eyes, afraid to say the word.

"Yes, but kill-killing changes a person, no matter what the justification is-is _(sniffing)_. I had killed before…y-you hadn't…"

"He-he…probably was dead by-by the time I attacked him—he didn't put up much of a-a fight. He couldn't even f-fight back once you were release. Your magic wasn't weak because of you, Rae, you _were_ strong enough to take him down."

" _Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos. Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos…_ "

" _(Sniffing)_ We…we can st-stop for the night." He suggested. "Y-you did good."

"No…no. _Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos. Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos…_ "

"Rae, I-I don't want y-you to overdo it. We've been at it for over forty minutes—"

"I n-need to fin-finished…th-the wed-ding…"

"Who c-cares? _(Sniffing)_ Y-your health is m-more important." He insisted.

She turned her head and stared in those tearful green eyes. "Ex-actly. I-I have been a-avoiding this l-last part. I want t-to get b-back on the team. I need...I need to continue…"

* * *

 _When the other Titans finally arrived at the infirmary, they found a battered Garfield holding onto Raven's hand, watching in horror as she tried healing her excruciating pain coming from her abdomen. She would heal it in one second, but the pain would start all over again, as she screamed her mantra. The room was buzzing with equipment being lifted by her energy._

" _Raven, what's going—?!" Robin said, taking the lead._

 _Tears were streaming down her face and her ripped clothes barely covered her body anymore, but she didn't care. She went back to her chanting, as she laid on her side, curled up into a ball, sweat coming down her face._

" _The baby…" Raven managed to utter._

" _WHAT?!" Robin and Cyborg exclaimed together while Starfire gasped._

" _How long has she—!" Robin asked._

" _Why didn't you tell—?!" Cyborg interjected._

" _Please…please! She keeps trying to heal herself…but it's not working!" Garfield shouted, his voice cracking from his tears._

" _You guys should have told me! I would have never send her out there—" Robin yelled._

" _Can we discuss this later?! HELP HER!" Garfield demanded in anger._

 _The Titans went into emergency mode and attached Raven to as many wires as possible, so they could monitor both her heart beat and the baby's. All the while, Raven ignored them and continued to release her energy._

 _Finally, she decided that if she went under a trance for day or so, she could completely heal her body and maybe, just maybe, she could save the baby. So, everyone waited as she began her trance._

 _The minutes seemed like hours, the hours seemed like days, and the days felt like weeks. When it was all said and done, she woke up after being in a trance for five days. The green creature next to her looked up and had tears rolling down his eyes._

" _R-rae…you're a-awake…" He whispered._

" _Did…did we lose it?" She asked as calmly as she could to Garfield, but she already knew the answer as she clasped a hand on her stomach, tears swelling her eyes. She had lost it after an hour she went under, but nobody dared to wake her up. All Garfield could do was hug her tightly._

* * *

"Th-they asked me so many questions afterwards _(sniffing)_. Why did-didn't you tell us? How did M-Malchior escaped? How much d-damaged did th-the city take? How are-are you feeling? Is-is he still out there?" Raven whispered, slowly breathing in and out. Her tears wiped and her mood a little _too_ calm. She stood there staring at the ceiling. They heard a crash from outside the room, but didn't dare to go check it out, as they knew it was only her energy. "I ju-just wanted to forget."

"I-I-I know." Garfield, on the other hand, was still crying.

"We-we weren't ready to announce anything, just in case… _that_ would happen. No…that's not true…we just wanted…we just wanted to keep it a secret as long as possible…so not a lot of people would interfere with the pregnancy part. I-I wanted to do things _our_ way. Not theirs."

"I-I kn-ow." He repeated. " _(Sniffing)_ How-how did you feel? What did y-you feel?"

"The p-pain was there for a few more days. But, by-by then I could f-finally heal myself. I must have l-lost it when we were in the street _(sniffing)_ and my-my healing was…just too late. I can't…I can't bring back the dead…which is why I kept feeling pain…once it started…I couldn't st-stop it. The baby was already gone…and I felt like…it was my fault."

"B-but it wasn't!" He shouted, but lowered his voice to a whispered. He turned her head to face him. "Y-you protected y-yourself like crazy w-when you were p-pregnant, choosing to stay behind and attack from afar instead of head-on. But y-you didn't have that with _him_. I didn't h-have that with _him_. Th-the only person w-whose to bl-blame is _him_."

" _(Sniffing)_ But I still feel guilt. If I hadn't…gone into Rage."

"No. H-how could you h-have known we were go-going to lose it?" He said. "You a-are not to blame."

They stood there in silence for a while, listening to the destruction happening around them and outside the arena's walls.

"You-you're so calm now." He whispered, surprised.

"No, I'm just not crying. The living room or hallway is probably destroyed, just like this room."

They looked around and saw the giant holes in the wall, scratch marks on the doors, the windows covered in cracks, and training equipment completely melted or partially destroyed.

"Y-you did well." He said. "Ignore it-it all."

"It was only eight weeks. I-I may have been hesitant when I first found out, but I came around to the little monster…"

"We-we stayed up a-at nights, pic-picturing what sh-she would look like—"

"—or _he_." She countered.

"I-I remember in therapy, I said I-I was afraid to t-touch you again….afraid to get intimate with you again…"

She ran her fingers through his hair. "You were?"

"Yeah, I-I know it was silly, but I thought maybe you-you would have thought I w-was _him_ for a sec in bed and—"

"—It wasn't silly." Tears ran down her cheeks and she lightly dab them away with her hand.

"But also, I-I was afraid of g-getting you pr-pregnant again. Ev-even with your new IUD…I just w-wasn't ready for another one."

"I know." She whispered.

"Will-will we ever b-be normal again?" He asked, looking into her eyes.

"One day, but not today."

"Will we ev-ever want children again?"

She couldn't answer him.

* * *

The wedding day came.

Of course, the two lovebirds would laugh in secret about the fact that this wedding was just a farce, but until then, they had to play the part for their guest.

Raven was in the living room, getting 'beautified' by Starfire, with a few members of the wedding party watching and giving tips. Bumblebee, Kole and Argent from Titans North, Pantha from Titans South, and Jinx. Raven looked at herself in the mirror, silently trying to reaffirm her commitment to this outlandish wedding while Starfire went back and forth with the wedding party as to what shoes, blush, eyeshadow, necklace, earrings ('does it not matter if the ears are not pierce?'), and hairstyle Raven should have.

As the hour went by and slowly, but surely, they managed to dress her with too pink on her pale cheeks, Starfire asked the wedding party if she could be alone with Raven as she put on the finishing touches.

"Oh, Raven, is it not fabulous?!" Cried Starfire as she put on the birdcage veil. She was wearing a short blue party dress, with rhinestones all over the skirt. Raven could only pick out the color, but nothing else, as it seemed that was all she was able to contribute to the wedding. Starfire had made a horrible vanilla cake—which Raven didn't think that was possible to do—with warm blueberries on the top…but at least it was blue. "You are entering into a wondrous union!"

"Yes." She said, annoyed.

"Are you not excited?" Starfire asked.

"Yes, I am." She said, looking down at her dress and noticing a small patch of dirt on the bottom from her trip to the woods. She smiled.

Starfire zipped her up. "I have talked to Robin…"

"Starfire, not today."

"But he is willing to let you to come back on, provided that you are well enough."

"It won't happen again."

"But," Starfire paused, looking her over to see if everything was just perfect, her hand reaching for a brush filled with more blush. "I have to ask, _are_ you well enough?"

Raven stood silent for a moment before saying, "I am better than before."

Starfire took her hand, inspecting it to see if her red nail polish needed retouching. "We have…we have never talked about _it_. Not even after _it_ happened."

Raven turned her gaze back to the mirror, trying to avoid eye contact with her. "I didn't want too."

"I know." Letting go of her hand. Starfire gently brushed Raven's cheeks, even though they were pink enough. "I just…felt hurt."

"That wasn't my intention…Star…it wasn't easy for me to open up to Beast Boy. And he was _there_. He saw _it_."

"Yes, Beast Boy was kind enough to tell me what had happened. But…" She tried finding the words. "I wanted to comfort you. I know now that was selfish, thinking that you were pushing me away when you were hurt. But, tell me truthfully, are you okay now?" She said, looking into her eyes.

"No, I'm not," Raven said, surprised by her own words. "But I'm getting there." She let out a small smile and Starfire smiled back. Raven began to feel guilty from the secret she was keeping. "Starfire…Garfield and I eloped a few months ago. We're just doing this wedding for the press and the Titan's image."

Starfire eyes widen. "Do the others know?"

"No, you're the first."

"I should be mad, but I am happy to be in on your little secret." She said, putting down the blush. "I need not tell the boys this news."

"Thank you." Raven exhaled.

A few minutes later, just when Raven was (finally) ready, the hallway door opened with a gasping Robin, wearing a purple suit, running towards the women.

"Raven…Beast Boy's asking for you…he won't…he won't walk until he sees…sees you!" Robin exclaimed, catching his breath.

"What's going on?!" Raven demanded.

"Well…he went…went into his room and—"

" _What!?_ " Her eyes flashed red, but she quickly composed herself and became her monotone voice, with eyes glaring at her leader, she asked, "Why did you let him go into his room?"

"Let him?...We thought he was just…just getting something…for the…wedding…and then…he wouldn't leave…we realized he was…in there for a long…time…we asked him…but he said…he wouldn't leave…"

Raven put on her blue cloak and engulfed herself with her black energy, as she transported herself into Garfield's old room.

* * *

Cyborg was sitting by the dressed-up Garfield, who was clutching a stuffed bear and looking down at the yellow rattle next to him. The room still had the same green walls and the messy bunk bed, only it was stripped of its sheets. In the corner, was a brand new white baby basket and some of Garfield's old toys, as well as new yellow ones, laid out next to it.

The room was meant to be the nursey and the two had secretly done some shopping and acquiring baby items before Malchior came into their lives. After Malchior, neither of them had entered the room and allowed it to collect dust since then.

Cyborg noticed the black energy and saw Raven appearing before his eyes. "Rae, I didn't know…" Cyborg began.

"Shh, it's okay." She said, but she was still harboring anger in her soul against Cyborg and Robin.

The idiots had one job, _help him get ready_ , and Garfield walking into his old room certainly wasn't going to help him in any way. They _knew_ his old room contained all the baby stuff and instead of getting rid of it, the three Titans thought it was best to leave it alone, for a time when Starfire or one of the other Titans would get pregnant and thus past it on as a free gift. Cyborg left the two to have some privacy.

"Why did you come in here?" She asked Garfield gently.

"I don't know…I just had too." He said, picking up the rattle and shaking it. She sat down next to him. "I remember saying yellow was a stupid color and that we should decide on green or blue…but you said it was a gender-neutral color and that it's better to not guess until we knew for certain. But I just _knew_ we were expecting a girl. We need more girls who love green." He looked up to her and even though she was wearing her cloak, he could see her wedding dress beneath it. "You look beautiful."

She ignored his flattery. "This is not healthy."

"Yes, it is." He looked back down at the rattle. "You have come so far…and now it's my turn. I have…been avoiding this room for so long. I know this room was _my_ next step. To look at these items, to hold them, to feel them."

"But…why today? Of all days?" She refused to touch the items, her emotions already battling it out in her head. The two had already spent the last few days cleaning up the Tower from all of damage she had done the night she finally recounted the whole event, she didn't want to clean up anymore big messes for a long time.

"To…try to let go…before I move on to another part of my life…"

"But…we're already married."

"I know. I can't explain it, but I need to _try_ , as little as I can, to let go before I walk down that aisle." He tried handing her the rattle, but she wouldn't take it.

"I…I can't." She confessed.

"That's okay. Someday maybe. But today, right now, it's my turn."

She looked at the small wooly green blanket Garfield had picked out, with a picture of a lion stitched in. Funny, purple was Garfield's preferred color, but he kept pushing green because he figured it was just as gender-neutral as yellow, only less 'bright' and more 'tolerable'.

"We'll never let go though." She said, tears welling her eyes, trying her best to keep them inside.

"No, but we need to let go of this _sadness_ , of this stupid memory of _him_ and his effect on us." He grasped the rattle and put it closed to his forehead, visualizing his supposed child.

Raven allowed the silence to fill the air as she rubbed his back and repeated her mantra to him, as if he could adopt it as his own and help control his feelings.

"Green eyes," He whispered. "Or violet eyes—I could never settle on which one— _my_ square jaw, _your_ nose. _My_ thick hair, _your_ coloring…"

"You need to stop." She warned.

"Why? What's it going to hurt now?" He said, looking up at her.

"I can feel your heart beating faster, your emotions raising, your brainwaves going crazy."

"But, I…I just need too. Please, Rae, let me just…properly mourned her." He pleaded, looking up to her. "Or him." He added.

After what seemed like an eternity, the silence building up as he continued to gaze into her eyes, Raven said, "If…if it makes you feel better…it _was_ a girl. I…I felt a female presence."

Garfield couldn't help, but cry, with tears streaming down his face and Raven quietly joining him.

They agreed on the name Arel Marie Logan.

* * *

Epilogue

A year after the celebrity wedding that neither Raven nor Garfield cared to remember, things were beginning to go back to normal.

Starfire was able to spend more time with Raven and have her laughing once again, Robin had softened up a bit around the two, realizing how hard he was being, and Cyborg was able to help Garfield clean up his old room and store the baby items somewhere else.

Raven was back on the team, making sure to have her private sessions with Garfield at least four times a week and Garfield had begun the long process of starting therapy once again, as he had realized with Raven that he wasn't completely cured of his PTSD either. Their room was back to normal and the Tower sighed with relief as it wasn't being torn up every other day. Well, except their love making nights.

On a cold day in autumn, with the wind blowing hard against the windows, the two Titans were sitting on the floor, leaning against their bed, starring off into the distance with only the sound of the ticking clock filling the air.

Garfield grabbed her hand and she in turn gazed into his eyes. He smiled and she kissed his cheek, before then leaning her head on his shoulder. She squeezed his hand tightly and she could hear his heavy breathing getting more intense with each passing second.

Finally, the alarm went off. She looked up to him, he nodded, and she stood up and walked into the bathroom while he leaned over and turned off the alarm on the drawer beside him.

She came back out, staring at the warm white stick in her hand.

"Well?" He asked, his heart racing, ready at a moment's notice to celebrate or cry.

She looked up and smiled.

The End


End file.
